Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Him shall we return
Monday, March 5, 2012 I dont know why but I cried...
Yeah, if you're my friend on Facebook, you've probably know that i have a lot of FB friends. To be exact, 1662 and still counting. If you're not my friend yet, be more than welcome to add me at http://facebook.com/Mardhiahere
okay, so you thought, wow, Mardhiah has so many friends and I doubt she even know everyone on her list personally. And I thought that too. But something changed my life today, and triggered my tears. I was that selfish person, who didnt chat with everyone on my list. But when i cried upon something, I realised that i kinda care, although i dont talk to everyone. And it saddens me that I didnt know everyone more.
I was using the computer in Computer lab in NUS, on my usual rounds in FB, clicking Like on everyone's status in the news feed, Accepting friend requests and wishing Happy Birthday to my friends, although i dunno them. There's an Indonesian guy whom I wished too. And after doing all those, i didnt think much. But something occured to me to check out that Indonesian guy whom I wished earlier on. Sure, there were others who wished him, but their messages struck me as odd. Until i scrolled further down I then realised the guy had passed away somewhere on Nov 19 2011. His last status was just a normal one, updated two days before. And I saw one of his friend took a picture of him about to lay to the deathbed. Without reason, without thought, tears filled my eyes and i nearly wanted to cry in the Computer Lab. My eyes blurred and I rushed to the bathroom, and cried until i cant cry.
I dont know why I cried, but for some reason, the realization of my FB friend's death struck a deep chord in me. It seems that when I was busy lamenting about the hurt in my heart, or the happinness I felt in life, there is another soul who was dying, and others who were mourning for their loved ones. Sure, I experienced a relative that passed away in December last year, a close relative that had been there but I failed to be concerned about. But what ran through my mind that, death has no time telling. and Allah can just let it happen, when He says its time for the person to go. Allahu Akbar.
What I've learnt is that I try to be concerned about the well being of my family, friends and those around me, even those on my FB friend list. Because anything can happen to anyone of us.
I send my condolences to you, my dear friend, although im kinda late in doing that. Semoga anda mendapat ketenangan di sana. and i deleted him from my friend list bcos i believe that we should not keep him in the virtual world, hoping he'll come back one day. Instead we should remember him in our doas.
“Innalillah wa-inna ilaihi raji'un" – Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Him shall we return
:')
Mardhiah binti Mustaffa aka Mardhiah Van Hoffe
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
12:47 PM
Friday, January 13, 2012 Teruntuk Bungaku.. ku dengar panggilmu aku tau kau rindu mengejar mimpi-mimpi yang berarti agar bahagia hidup kita nanti Bungaku ku rasakan kesedihanmu kesedihan akan rindu kehadiranku... mencoba hayati hadirmu disini mencoba bertahan dalam kerinduan ini suatu masa kita akan bertemu melepaskan rasa rindu di hati karna kaulah yang takan pernah terganti...
ehmm.. thats a puisi created for me.. who else who can write such stuff.. its my fb bro, yeah he's a really nice person.. but dont worry, we're friends and we act like bro and sister hahaa.. he wrote for me this after i sent him the lyrics of the Lion Story song..
i miss Ashev.. he's in hospital, thats what i knew of.. co his status said he was sick, so i smsed him to get well soon. and he said thanks and was at the hospital, waiting for his turn. apparently, he fainted when he was at a store.. poor him.. i guess he's tired and overwork :( you shld see his working hours, its crazy! he has to work uneven time of the day, sometimes nigh, morning or afternoon.. and he'll be very tired cos he has a lot of work to do.. also, he is being paid kinda lower amount than we, singaporeans, are paid here in our country. indonesia and singapore aint the same.. i pity him.. :( there is really a widening income gap in the world.. hahaa im going economics on you guys :P but yeah..
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
1:14 PM
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Sempena hari mulia Ini, Aku tersenyum lalu mengimbasi kembali, Semua yang kerap kita mengadukan, Kini jadi bahan rindu yang ku simpan… ... Detik masa kini kedengaran, Aku mengucap selamat jalan, Kepada teman yang sering menghibur dengan gurauan… Ku hargai semua yang terjadi, Memang nyata dirimu takkan ada pengganti, Semoga kita dapat bertemu semula, Kerana aku yakin engkau akan sentiasa Di hatiku…..
Lagu teman by The Lion Story ft Zahidah
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
3:40 PM
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 i have a fund, or aka piggy bank.. i made it out of a printer ink box.. and i cant upload the pic cos its in my phone and i dont have its usb cable.. anyways, the fund is called TSAFund :D To See Ashev Fund :D yeah i m saving to see him one day, insyaallah ^_^
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
12:22 PM
hahaa i read all my past entries and this one caught my attention.. and entry in 2008.. i was so full of temper back then hahaa.. readthis :D
To all the people who is not happy with the Fat-Assed Librarian(FAB) in ESSS listen here!!!!!!!!
The FAB has kicked some of us out of the library for nonsensical reasons. I know some of you are not happy with her. Those who don't wish to put your hands into this matter, bloody hell fuck off. Okay, I plan to launch a petition to get a new librarian whose manners is greatly appreciated, unlike the FAB who is very rude to students and report them to the VP when they make little noise. If she can switch on her bloody radio loudly in her bloody office, why can't we make little noise when doing our schoolwork in the library? Don't tell me that we need not help each other's help when we don't know how to do a qn? Also, at the same time, we tend to talk about things that are not related to the subject a little, right? So, people who are with me, I need your support by writing in suggestions to the School Library. You can get the suggestion slip from my friend, write what you dislike about the librarian and put it in the blue suggestion box in the library. I need supporers, guys. The damn FAB just scolded me just because I sometimes talk to my friend when doing schoolwork and wanted to ban me from coming to the library during my free period. Like as if i want to go there but have no choice. Lame sia. It's not like as if i create a commotion there, dammit.
Anyway, Thank you for reading. Lol. FAB Suck to the deepest core. wish her bad luck in future to come
Yours Sincerely, Sarcastic Critic
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
12:12 PM
Monday, December 19, 2011
A song for my situation..
After all these years we've been so far i dont know if you still remember me
you've been long gone i cant track you making me hard to forget you
since the day you made that mark right into my heart for the first time in my love life
Chorus: will we meet again? will our paths be crossed? will i get to see you all alone? if i do see you, how will i be feeling? should i smile or cry? i missed you so much when everytime i think of you i regret what i've done, im sorry, i cant forget you
Do you know how hard it is to get you out of my mind? every guy i look reminds me of you i really wish to see you one day how you're doing in yr life then, i'll try to move on..
since the day you made that mark right into my heart for the first time in my love life
Chorus
if fate let us be together, we can overcome this distance and i can erase you from my mind why, di i want, you to be in front of me, holding onto my heart?
Chorus
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
2:31 PM
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
this is what my good friend on facebook said, when i told him why i wanna leave facebook..
"..relakanlah yg sudah berlalu.. ingatlah bahwasanya Allah akan menggantikanya yg lebih baik.. dan ingatlah bahwa disini ada teman2Mu yang selalu menyayangiMu. janganlah kau berubah hanya karna 1 orang. apalagi orang itu telah tak perdulikan kamu lagi. Tersenyumlah dinda hadapi kehidupan ini dengan tegar janganlah jadi orang yang lemah. karna masih ada teman2 kamu yang masih setia kepadamu. lupakan masa lalu walaupun itu susah taph seiring berjalanya waktu rasa itu perlahan tapi pasti akan sirna. dan bukalah lembaran baru kehidupanMu dan mulailah isi kembali hidupmu dengan warna dan keceriaan.. mulailah dari senyum.. smile...
^_^
tetaplah ceria hadapi hidup ini dengan tegar dan selalu tawaqal pada Allah.."
at least someone care, besides my best friend and family..
but i still dunno if i should leave facebook or not
still undecided yoo
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
11:45 AM
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 Im leaving facebook
Im serious this time, i aint joking yo. im leaving facebook bcos.. it made me sad.. ironic that its supposed to connect people together and make them happy... but for these past few months.. counting from May 2011, my life in facebook has been filled with some anguish and sadness.. because when i go there, im reminded of the beautiful memories i once had.. and i had to lose it.. and i had tried to bring those back.. apparently, i failed several times.. maybe i cant accept that i have to move on.. maybe bcos i cant forgive for what i have done to hurt the man i love.. maybe he can forgive me, but i never forgive myself.. thats why i keep going back to the past.. trying to amend the lost relationship.. i've tried and tried.. and i failed.. i kept quiet and hid all misery to myself.. and i still fail.. i waited and waited in silence for that chance.. i got the chance but i failed to amend it.. and now i've lost it.. again.. he doesnt talk to me anymore, doesnt make war with me, doesnt joke with me, doesnt laugh with me, doesnt play tricks on me anymore.. :( when he was away from facebook, i tried to locate him elsewhere on the virtual world, and encouraged him to go back to facebook so that his friends doesnt miss him.. and i missed in on FB too.. but now.. its never the same.. its all my fault.. why did i ever do that stupid mistake to hurt him so much? why?
sometimes, there's this though in my brain.. maybe there's always this failure of love that runs in my family.. my mother and father dont agree with each other and went back together bcos of certain incidences.. Mashy has an on-off relationship with her New Zealander.. Maryam has a track record of failed love and infatuation with guys since aged 12 ; all short term relationship.. and me? i cant even keep the first love of my life with me.. im pathetic..
i guess i have to face reality eventually.. that he doesnt like me anymore.. and we can never be together no matter how much i tried and prayed.. i'll have to accept that sooner or later, maybe not now when im still depressed..
A thought: i always try my best to bring people that i love and care back to facebook.. especially if their friends are looking for them there. But now that im leaving facebook, would people bother to bring for me? would they even bother to look for me? DO YOU BOTHER TO CARE?
i doubt so.
Thanks.
i wish you all goodness in life.
just some lyrics that i quoted here..
Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead," - Someone like you by Adele
Here I am.. Banging on your front door. My pride's spilled on the floor. My hands and knees are bruised. And I'm crawling back to you, begging for a second chance.
Are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth And now I'm crawling back to you
- Crawling back to you by Backstreet Boys
Take a breath, I pull myself together. Just another step till I reach the door. You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you. I wish that I could tell you something.. To take it all away
- Save You by Simple Plan
Empty spaces fill me up with holes. Distant faces with no place left to go. Without you, within me I can find no rest. Where I'm going is anybody's guess.. I tried to go on like I never knew you. I'm awake but my world is half asleep. I've prayed for this heart to be unbroken. But without you all I'm going to be , incomplete..
- Incomplete by Backstreet Boys
This last one is kinda inspirational for me.. i dunno about you all, if its inspirational to you.. but whatever.. its my blog
There'll come a day, when you'll walk out of my dreams face to face, Like I'm imagining. how can I be sure, that you're the one I'm waiting for.. Will you be Unmistakable?
-Unmistakable by Backstreet Boys
yeahh backstreetboys kinda inspirational yo.. you should listen to them.. i didnt realise that i have a lot of BSB songs in my mp3, besides Simple Plan
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
2:30 PM
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I WANT SIMPLE PLAN T SHIRTS!!!!! :((((( :DDDD
I LOVE SIMPLE PLAN AND PIERRE BOUVIER
YAYAYAY THEY ARE COMING TO SINGAPORE :D
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
11:56 AM
My hEart Will never cHange.....
Ní bheidhmo chroíathrú <3
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
11:52 AM
Saturday, October 29, 2011 Helloo..
iTs been a busy week with homeworks, assignments.. but otherwise im fine :) exams are like less than a month away! i must seriously stop playing games on my mobile hahaa.. i must improve my studies though.. i did badly for my statistics and my elective module.. and for RE module, i cant compromise although my results are quite okay.. I MUST DO WELL FOR MY EXAMS :) okay okay, stop playing games, Mardhiah.. hahaa
I've been through some rough times lately too.. what i have learnt is to reduce my talking.. my advices and opinions are unwanted and ignored.. so might as well i talk less from now on.. even if people ask me to give advice or judge, i wont say much if i know my comments are not well received and ignored.. its okay.. my father also tell me i must not comment anything about my sisters' doings.. and my mommy said that what i usually say are not realistic.. and my friends dont appreciate my comments and dont follow my advices. so i dont see the purpose of talking much.. :( and if people make mistakes, im going advice them, but if they dont listen, then im just gonna keep quiet..
KADANGKALA, BERDIAM ADALAH LEBIH BAIK DARI BERSUARA..
Adios, have a nice day all.. :) You all can do whatever you think is best for you :)
oh yeah, and note to self and people who find this useful:
Please try not to do things that you already expect what the consequences or answers are, especially if the answer is gonna hurt you or bring negative/uncomfortable changes to your life or the people around you...
Love between a man and women doesnt exist. The kind of love I believe in are: -> Love between my best friend and good friends -> Love between my family -> And love between me, Islam, Prophet Mhammad S.A.W and Allah
and nothing else.....
okay fine, love between me and Pierre Bouvier and my favourite bands exist :P
<3
Sometimes, I WISH you here... :'(
1:08 PM
REFLECTIONS
Maybe its best to let go of certain things you cant handle Maybe its best to let go things that always make you cry Maybe its best to let go of things that hurt you Maybe its best to delete certain people in yr life Maybe its best to pack up and leave Maybe its best to continue walking and not look back Maybe its best to.... Just wish that all these 'Maybe' can be for reality.. Sure, its easy to say that you can let go, delete, pack up, leave, continue.. But can YOU really do it? Can I DO IT? No, i cant, its really not easy.. That's why i said "MAYBE" Cos i may not mean it at all...
When will i ever forgive myself? Maybe you have forgiven me, but i'll never forgive myself for letting you down.. I really wanna make amends.. but it seems you have moved on.. its okay.. :( When will i see "A**** S*** commented on yr status" or "posted on yr wall" or "Inbox(1)" from you..? I'll never see that again...
When will my mom be happy? I really wish she'll be happy one day.. i wanna make her happy.. Seeing how life has treated her makes me cry everytime.. Such a strong mother I have, SubahanAllah.. But Allah, i always pray You make my mom's life easier.. Please make my Doa' come true.. Please help me succed in life so that i can help my family and make my mommy happy again.. AMIN
I miss my best friend, Syahirah.. I wish i can meet her again.. I know there's a lot of things troubling her.. I wsih i could help; its the least i can do to return all her help towards me in the past.. I wanna make her a strong person.. but i hope that every challenge that she faces, she sees it as a strenght to move on from there instead of just a mistake.. Oh Allah, please give my best friend the strenght to undergo any challenges she faces in life.. May Allah kekalkan perhubungan kita sebaga sahabat selamanya.. AMIN
Monday, September 19, 2011
Lalu airmata jatuh akhirnya, dengan tak sengaja engkau membuatku terumbang ambing di angkasa. Hancur musnah semua.. mimpiku hilang di angkasa - Angkasa by Hady mirza
Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu, ku undur diri bersama harapan... Tidak kesampaian cinta kita. Ku bawa harapanku pendam rahsia, ku di kejauhan mendoakan agar kau bahagia, tiada lagi duka. Dan ku rela mengundur diri.. :'( - Harapan by Fazli Zainal
I went to East Spring Sec sch, where i met my good friends.. then at Yishun JC, and currently Im in NUS taking Bachelor in Real Estate
if you wanna know me, i'm a sarcastic but friendly person
I can be direct as in i tell facts that may sometimes hurt ppl..i'm utterly sorry abt that.
I too criticize people but i can be nice too..depending on my MOOD..
I can be crazy and my jokes are horribly lame..seriously
I despise the colour PINK..i think it's the world's most horrible colour.
if you think you can stand a girl like me and wanna be my friend, be more than welcome to add me on msn or fb at mardhiah_here@hotmail.com
Wishlist
*to make my mother happy and healthy
*excel in my STUDIES
*Travel around the WORLD
*stop CRYING, forget HIM, and MOVE ON
i hope so.. :/
